Dark Eldar suitable for children!
by R-Alex-J
Summary: Recently, there has been quite a debate over the new Warhammer Adventures. One comment that comes up often is whether certain factions are suitable for children, the most common being the Dark Eldar. Here, I will show that the Dark Eldar can be used in a children's story. This uses an event from the 5th edition rulebook as a start point. g?cid 55b84
1. Chapter 1

**First, a few key points before the story starts. This story is K+, so when I say suitable for children, I mean suitable for children: "Suitable for more mature children, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes." For this purpose, only what has already been published in other works in the 8-12 age range will be used here. This includes any work targeted at 8-12 year old children or ones that are considered suitable for them regardless of the target market. This includes** _ **Fighting Fantasy**_ **,** _ **Doctor Who**_ **,** _ **Star Trek**_ **,** _ **Asterix**_ **,** _ **Sins of a Solar Empire**_ **(seriously), and** _ **Hearts of Iron II**_ **(yes, even I'm surprised). Now I can start...**

Rogue Trader Journal, entry 5: We are heading the the feral world of Birmingham, which we lost all contact with 15 time segments ago. This world barely has gunpowder, almost no industry, almost no visitors, and almost no sunlight. I am taking my son Sitting Bear and my 3rd daughter Davinda with me as they need to learn more about our Emperor's galaxy. I hope to keep out of trouble...  
After speaking to his cogitator, Gaius Marius of the 500 Worlds open up the file from his bosses telling him what they already knew. Unfortunately, that wasn't as easy as he hoped. "Children, stop playing with that skull! No, sit down, stop bickering. I'm beginning to wish I'd left you at home."  
"We're sorry," Sitting Bear said, straightening his mini-flak jacket. "There's nowhere fun on this ship. It's all dark and shaking all the time."  
"We're bored," Davinda added. She held the skull in her hands, scanning it with her glowing glasses. The red glare was the brightest light in the whole room. "All the other people are either boring or servitors. Of course we'll fight!"  
Gaius knew they were right but what could he do apart from hope the ship would arrive soon? The ship was dark, the walls sparse, and the only decoration being fur, portraits, and animal heads. The kids soon got bored of them. In fact, only one group got their interest and that group weren't talkative. The Order of the Sacred Grove, the bright green defenders of holy agricultural worlds, had the guns, the flamers, and the armour, but kept to themselves. If only they had Space Wolves. The hairy fellows would be talking and playing with the kids all day

"Exiting Warp," a servitor announced. He used to be a normal human but robbed a high street bank one day. Now he spent the rest of his life as part of a computer. Hence, as Gaius told the children, don't steal. If you don't want the time, don't commit the crime.  
Even as a feral world, Birmingham should have had ships going around the planet, from small, van-like, shuttles to mammoths measurable in kilometres. But no, there was nothing but scraps of floating metal. "Sitting Bear," Gaius said, "would you like to try opening hailing frequencies to the spaceport on the planet surface?"  
"Why can't I open hailing frequencies?" Davinda demanded.  
"Because you told the navigator what course to set. Your brother will be in the Navy, you'll be a priest."  
"I'll be doing this when I grow up," Sitting Bear sneered. "You'll just be shouting and waving a chainsword."  
Davinda scowled and folded her arms but said nothing while Sitting Bear smugly pressed the speech bubble-shaped button. "This is Warrant of Trade Ship Art of War. Request permission to approach."  
Nothing. Davinda's mouth curled slightly upwards.  
Sitting Bear tried a few more times, before Gaius took back control with the same amount of success. Further, something was interfering with the scans on the planet. Eventually, the children's father decided to head to the surface.

That was a mistake.

It wasn't bad at first. The planet looked liked it was always night but the trees and birdsong made the children smile. Butterflies flew around and white, fluffy rabbits bounced around. Everyone except the techpriests and the Sacred Grove Sisters gasped in wonder. How beautiful!  
A techpriest was the first to realise the mistake. He wandered behind a tree to look at a blinking light on top of a boulder. The half-machine man and his extra arms soon no longer existed as they once did. Standing over the techpriest was the cold, spiky, metallic, pink form of the ones who were clearly the ones behind the planet being unable to talk. In the creature's hand was a gun- a rifle- with a long spike coming out of the end. What was this?  
"Xenos!" Sister Quenda of the Sacred Grove shouted. Her gun raised, ready to fire, and her friends did likewise. However, they did not fire, not yet. Gaius wanted to get answers and so they held back.  
"You," the Rogue Trader said. "What are you doing here, creature?"  
Noise came out of the creature's mouth. Grating noises, like a tyre skidding on a road. The children's ear translators said, "We are of Commorragh. We are the Kabal of the Bladed Lotus. We come, we have fun, we go. We will have fun with you."  
Davinda and Sitting Bear stared at each other. Finally, someone with a sense of fun! "They like pink!" Sitting Bear exclaimed.  
Davinda nodded. "I like that they're tall."  
"Stop it, you two," Gaius hissed. "That's an Eldar. Worse, an Eldar of the worst city in the universe. She's not your friend! Sisters, open fire!"  
Swiftly, the Dark Eldar Warrior threw something at the kids just as the first bolt reached her. When the mist cleared, the children were no longer there...


	2. Chapter 2

"Where are we?" Davinda asked.  
"We haven't moved," Sitting Bear realised. Indeed, the same forest, the same butterflies, and the same rabbits were all there. "Everyone's gone!"  
"What are those aliens? Are they Eldar?"  
"They look like Eldar, but nasty. All Eldar are nasty, all aliens are nasty, these are just more nasty."  
"Are those humans?"

Sitting Bear and Davinda hid behind a bush as men and women- humans- walked through the forest. They wore checked and striped clothes, and some had blue tattoos. No, some were blue all over. Davinda recognised this as woad- a dye from a plant that could change the colour of skin like paint changed a wall. She turned her glasses' virtual systems on and zoomed in on rising smoke. A village! But where were the automobiles, the planes, and the rest? These people only had horse-drawn carriages. They didn't even have pocket cogitators! How did they call each other? Shouting? "2 miles to the village," she said.  
"We can get there," Sitting Bear said. He got up and, without looking at his sister, started walking. Davinda had to run to catch up.

Nobody stopped the children and they reached the Corvonii village in under an hour. It was less dark than usual and the kids wondered why nobody was paying them any attention. Were they invisible? "Excuse me," Sitting Bear asked a big, bare-chested man with a winged helmet.  
The man looked down, frowning. "Children? You Imperial?"  
"We are Rogue Traders," Davinda said eagerly. She took a short copy Warrant of Trade out of her pocket, or at least tried to. Instead, she pulled out a red circle with a huge I  
The man suddenly smiled unconvincingly and showed the children to a hut. "We eager to hear how warriors of stars are."

The children were about to enter the wooden house when someone screamed. Evil laughing echoed throughout the settlement, which the ear translators said processed as, "I am the last thing you will see!"  
Pink armoured-creatures rushed into the village, alongside a floating platform brimming with guns. Despite this, not one splinter cannon, dark lance, or disintegrator fired. Instead, the Dark Eldar threw glowing purple balls at everyone they could see.  
The children's jaws dropped at the big man took a ball to the chest. Before he could scream, he vanished in a burst of purple light. Sitting Bear stared, frozen, which nearly caused the aliens to see him. Davinda pulled him down.  
Soon, once the village was cleared, a warrior jumped down from the platform. She was smaller than the rest but her armour was even spikier and she held a staff. "This is Archon Faxa, we have abducted the first settlement. Tell the Haemonculi their system is working. We will now find the Mon'Keigh children that are here, know we're here, and think we don't know they're here. We hope they beg for mercy."

The children had no weapons, no way of fighting, and no backup. What could they do against such fearsome beings? "Run," Sitting Bear said. "We must run."  
"We are of the Emperor," Davinda whispered. "We do not run like weaklings. We will stop these xenos."  
"Is that correct?" Faxa asked as she and two warriors with guns in their helmets pulled the children out of the hut. "What are you going to do, shorties? Whine in hope we let you go? No, we will make you scream. We will we enjoy hurting you. We will get the material we need..."  
The Dark Eldar laughed. One came towards the children with a super-thin knife. The children had never been so scared.  
Davinda's glasses blinked. At first, it was a blink. Suddenly, the eyepieces glowed brighter than they ever had before. The warrior with the monomolecular blade backed off, his armour scorched and broken by the laser blast.  
"Fascinating," the warrior said. "A lasgun goggle. You Mon'Keighs will..."  
"Emergency," Faxa called out. "We need to get to the next village. They're encountering heavy resistance from prey! Go!"  
The Dark Eldar jumped back onto their Raiders and Ravagers and sped off, leaving the children behind.

"I could've killed them all," Davinda said as she and her brother waited in the village for time to catch up. They'd gone countless daysback into the past and the only way back was the long way around.  
"I believe you," Sitting Bear said. "I can't wait until I grow up. We can then fight back properly. These xenos are bullies, nothing more. It's time somebody started standing up to them. That will be us."  
Purple smoke burst forth and wrapped around the children. The Dark Eldar grenade the first warrior had thrown had malfunctioned, which was why Davinda and Sitting Bear time travelled rather than end up in a prisoner cage. The system tried correcting itself but all it did was send the children back to the start. "Davinda! Sitting Bear!" Gaius called out. "What happened?"  
"The Dark Eldar tried to hurt us," Davinda said. "My glasses stopped them. Did you make them as lasgun?"  
"Yes. Thank the Emperor. We can tell the Imperium that the Dark Eldar raided Birmingham and that's why we couldn't talk to them. How did you handle them?"  
"We stood up to them," Sitting Bear said. "As I said to Davinda, they're bullies, nothing more. We will stop them bullying any more planets."


End file.
